Wednesday, January 04, 2012'♥
NVR ALONE, BOY
Hi readers! Im back. I was writing again just now, but i can't seem to focus writing in the book. Just thought of coming here instead. I'm probably too lazy to write after many mathematical sums just now.
Well, i went for a musical with WK 3 days ago. Yeap, as usual cold treatment and silence, nothing new. Followed by a few arguments but I'm kinda used to it. It's always been like this ever since we broke up. I did what he says, i stop expecting good treatments from him. He said he was alone handling the band, and it hurts him when i said i hate band, cause it's his band he's handling. Yes, i agree it's my fault for saying that. But i pretty sure i do not hate band now as much as i do at the starting of the year. I felt so much better and belonged to the band after band fest and cleaning up the store as a band. It was fun actually. Well, i still think he's selfish cause he apparently haven't thought of me. He hated me as a BM last time when he's with me, he also told me how much he didn't like sec school band when I'm the one handling. And I'm all alone now, going through craps that happens at home and have no one to turn to when he could just turn on his phone and thr'll be msges from those 2 girls or just talk to me cause i'll nvr leave him alone. Yet i know, he won't be thr for me whenever I'm lonely cause he simply feels irritated to see/hear me. No I'm not blaming him cause this JC band is really problematic. So i just kept quiet, i didn't want to say more, it only makes the situation worst. Sometimes or maybe most of the times, he's action towards me really hurts a lot, like really a lot. What to do, i brought all these upon myself. Who to blame? ME. So, I'm neither angry nor blaming him, never will.
It's the start of a new year now; I wish he would at least treat me as a friend, not just in front of our friends but all the time. Isn't too much right?
